Preschool woes

Ian and Emma have been going to camp at Little Miners last week and this week. It has been a nice break for me, but it hasn’t been going very well for Ian.

Last year, his first introduction to school was at Little Miners camp. He struggled when he started. He was thrilled to go, and had no problems saying goodbye. But, he had a hard time controlling himself at school. He was active and too physical with the other kids. But once school started he calmed down, and the physical issues decreased. He did great in the classroom–he was extremely focused and really loved all the Montessori works. Academically he excelled. Where he struggled was on the playground where there wasn’t as much supervision. He does well with structure, but when it gets more relaxed and chaotic he has a hard time controlling himself. He isn’t mean spirited, he just gets really hyper and wiggly. He waves his arms around and sometimes hits people. He starts doing his “karate routine” and just forgets how to act around other people.

I think this has been a big part of his issues this summer at camp. The environment is much more relaxed and less structured. The playground is more chaotic. There are new kids that have never attended a Montessori school. Ian has already spent a year there, so the teachers are expecting him to be a good example to the other kids. But, so far that hasn’t happened.

The fist day he had an issue in the sandbox. The teachers told me he kicked sand in some kids’ faces. I asked Ian about it. He told me they were making a sand cake. He asked if he could make it with them. They said no, so he kicked sand at them. I talked to him about it, and we went over better options. I asked him what he could do, and he said next time he would say “That isn’t very nice. I’d really like to play with you.” I’m not sure what the teachers said to him, but I know that they had him sit in the office until the end of the day–about 2 hours. When I picked him up the teachers never said anything to me. I just assumed he had a good day.

The second day Sue B. stopped me when I picked him up. She told him about the previous day. She said that he hadn’t gotten to eat popsicles like the other kids, and that he had spent “most of the last 2 afternoons in the office”. The second day while he was in “time out” in the office he crawled under the desk and ate someones chips. I definitely think his behavior requires discipline, but I am not pleased with spending the afternoons in the office.

First of all, he isn’t learning anything by sitting in the office. When the school has a problem, I feel like they should come to me and say “Here is the problem, and here is what we are going to do about it.” Instead, I feel like they just tell me about it, with no solutions. Sue B. keeps telling me about him, and she just looks exasperated when she talks about him. I’m worried that he is being labeled the “bad kid” and no matter what happens, it must be Ian’s fault.

Last week he told me one of the boys had punched him. He went to the teachers and told them. They didn’t see what happened, but Ian got a time out again.

Today he got in trouble again for hitting someone. The teachers just told me he punched someone, and he spent the afternoon in the office. When I asked them about it, they just rolled their eyes and said he was up to the same old stuff. When I asked Ian about it I got a different story. He told me they were play fighting–which I don’t think they should have been doing in the first place. He said they both hit each other, but when Ian hit the other boy he cried. Ian went back to the office.

It makes me sad to hear that Ian is struggling. Nobody wants to hear that their child is having a hard time getting along with others. But I am worried that the school isn’t doing enough to help him learn from his mistakes. They aren’t giving him any alternatives or any lessons. They are just sending him to the office. I am worried for him, and thinking that Little Miners just might not be the best fit for him.

There is another Montessori school in town that everybody raves about. They seem like they follow a more strict Montessori curriculum. I have two close friends who send their kids there. They are opening a new school right down the street from our house. They have space available, and I am thinking about moving him there. I thought about switching there at the end of last year. Scott and I discussed it, but we felt that the last part of the year had gone well and so we would leave him where he was.

I just want to make the right decision for Ian. I am not condoning his behavior in any way. I don’t think it is OK for him to hit other kids. I just want the school to be more proactive. I want them to have solutions to the problems he is having. I want them to help him avoid the situations that lead to rough play. I think he needs more supervision on the playground and more direction. When they see him getting involved in an activity that could lead to him getting too physical, I want them to talk to him and redirect him to better activities. I want him to learn better ways to interact with other kids. I think that is part of what preschool is for.

I have a meeting set up at the new school tomorrow. I think we will go and have the interview and just see how it all feels tomorrow.