Soaring Wings is putting on a 6 week parenting seminar. At the last minute, I decided to sign up. Today I went to the first session.

It is called “7 Keys to Positive Parenting”. It is based on a book called The 10 Greatest Gifts I Give My Children. by Steven Vannoy. The instructor was trained by the author of the book. She took his presentation and added some things to make it her own.

Today’s lesson was called “The Four Bad Words–They aren’t what you Think!” The four lessons were:

Ask for the behavior you are looking for. The brain visualizes the don’t. If you tell your child “Don’t spill your milk” all your child hears and pictures in his mind is spilling the milk. Instead say what we mean and want.

Avoid using this in the negative sense as a generalization. For example “You are always so……” It could be positive or negative.

The exact same as always. Can be positive or negative, but it is a generalization.

The leader gave an example of a parent talking to her 3 year old and telling the child that his behavior was causing her angst. How the heck is a 3 year old supposed to know what angst means, let alone know how to correct his behavior?

I also got some suggestions about one of my biggest parenting issues–getting out of the house in the morning without screaming at my children. Ian in particular really tries my patience. I ask him about 10,000 times to get dressed. Usually I end up yelling at him because we are going to be late for school. The leader asked me to focus on the things that are absolutely necessary in the mornings.

Usually we eat breakfast first, then get dressed, then brush teeth and comb hair. My kids are usually starving in the mornings and they can’t wait to eat. She suggested that we switch our routine around and make getting dressed the first task. Once they are dressed they can do something that they really want to do–eat breakfast. Like she said, nobody ever died from missing a few breakfasts.

I had a talk with both Emma and Ian about it. I explained to them that I get annoyed and angry when I have to ask them over and over to get dressed and ready for school. I told them that I get so frustrated that sometimes I yell, which I don’t want to do. I told them I came up with a new idea to help out. They were all over the idea. The last thing Emma said when I tucked her in tonight was that she would get dressed first thing tomorrow morning. Hopefully it will help.

I am glad that I attended the class. I already knew the theory about “don’t” but I needed a reminder. I really tried to focus on it tonight with the kids, and I found myself having to rephrase my thoughts about a million times. I think I needed the reminder even more than I originally thought One of the best things about learning more about parenting, whether it is from reading a book or attending classes, is that is just helps me to refocus. It forces me to look at the things I am doing and be mindful of the things I can do better. This class definitely did that for me.

I am looking forward to the other 5 classes in the series.